Jealousy or an affirmation

I recently read in a newsletter from a colleague, Marloes de Vries(www.marloesdevries.com), that she sometimes envies other artists. And she wondered what might be underneath it.

It got me thinking. Because I too know that feeling: why does she have so many followers on Instagram, why does he get to exhibit in that museum, why didn’t I come up with that one brilliant idea?

Do you recognize that? As an artist, or from another profession?

I find it most difficult when I come across work at an exhibition in which I see kinship with my own work. My first reaction then is often something of jealousy, a sense of being late, feeling inferior. Why is this work on display here and mine is not?

But that is looking through negative glasses, looking from competition. And then I can just start balking at what I’m doing. And that, in turn, makes me sick (or rather, makes me sick of myself) when I want nothing more and cannot help but be an artist.

So then again I push myself to look at it positively: hey, apparently there’s a place for this kind of work, there’s a story that engages more people, this work fits into these times. And then it gives a sense of urgency, of togetherness, of possibility. Then it is an affirmation to continue on my own path. To draw my own plan, to follow my own feelings. And showing myself, no matter how vulnerable that sometimes feels. Because I can’t do otherwise and because it usually makes me happy!

And oh yes, sometimes they are new, unfamiliar artists to me that I see kinship with, but sometimes very familiar ones. Sometimes they are actually better. But sometimes I not only see kinship but also think I am making work at least as good or even better. Tough, confident, arrogant? I’m thinking some more.😉